


Obviously not a veggie then!!

by hobbeshalftail3469



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Daft, Fun, examples of strange fantasies, explicit because of language used in letter in the nutter drawer, inspiration from strange places!, it's stupid because it is meant to be, the nutter drawer, very crude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 12:48:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15582339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbeshalftail3469/pseuds/hobbeshalftail3469
Summary: This is a piece of complete daftness inspired by LulaIsAKitten challenging me to get a couple of seriously stoopid phrases into a story........





	Obviously not a veggie then!!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LulaIsAKitten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LulaIsAKitten/gifts).



It was one of those quiet Friday afternoons. Strike and Robin had finished off 2 cases completely earlier in the week; they had their following week's schedule organised with a couple of new cases and clients all ready to go thanks to Robin's ridiculously efficient skillset.  
So they had a couple of hours to kill before even Strike could realistically suggest the pub!

He ambled through from his own office to where Robin was spinning aimlessly at her desk chair.  
"There's always the nutter drawer!" Strike suggested, giving Robin his best 'Really, we are not that desperate' look!  
Robin however jumped at the prospect and halted mid twirl, pulling herself to a stop on the edge of her desk and leaping with a single bound towards the lowest drawer in the 4 drawer cabinet.  
Strike tried not to smile at her enthusiasm for his suggestion - but in reality he always enjoyed their monthly or so trawls through the new crap that turned up and got flung into the drawer - her mixture of shock, disgust and amusement always brought a little lightness to the task.

Strike flopped down onto the farting sofa causing the pair of them to mutter, "Gesundheit" - which had started a few weeks earlier after Robin had sneezed at the exact moment he'd sat and induced the fart noise. He smiled, thinking about the number of small 'in jokes' they now had between them - stuff that wasn't funny to anyone else, but made them piss themselves when shared.

Robin opened the drawer and removed a pile of envelopes and notes dumping the pile on her desk. She started sifting through and sliced open any which were still sealed - she'd got quite proficient at spotting nutter letters in the generic post after almost 2 years working alongside Cormoran.....he did tend to attract a somewhat diverse and rampant range of nutty stalkers and 'fans'! she also ripped open a family sized bag of Skittles and downed a handful (after carefully removing all the purple ones).  
Strike leaned across and scooped up a handful of those already opened;  
"Cat woman is back......wants to groom me again....asking for permission to come and update my booster shots too!" he rambled, raising his eyebrows as he reached the end of the letter, "....I thought cats got injected in the scruff of their neck!" he continued shaking his head and tossing the letter back to Robin who added it with a giggle to the 'Cat Woman' folder in the drawer.  
"While I'm here are there any others from her?" she asked. Strike rifled through the others and plucked out 2 more - one was a small postcard showing a mother cat feeding her kittens with the writing on the reverse simply stating, "My milk is always yours!" Robin made an exagerated gagging sound and lobbed the card into the folder. Strike passed the other letter to her - it remained sealed.  
Robin slit it open and read the familiar curled script; in purple coloured ink with paw prints scattered across the page. It started off innocently enough, stating how she'd seen a picture of him in the newspaper over one of the cases he'd solved, and how she noticed his hair was ruffled. She went on to describe in some detail how she would be more than willing to lick is hair into submission. "Awwwww, she's potty, but quite sweet really....she wants to groom your hair," and she cast a pouty, cute smile in his direction.  
Strike raised his eyes from the letter he was starting, "....keep going, she usually gets filthy towards the end!" he smirked.  
Robin continued reading and clasped a hand to her mouth, "Fuuuuucking hell........!" Which made Cormoran twist slightly to watch her as she absorbed the fantasies of 'Cat Woman'  
"What? What else does she want to do now.....she's not back to teaching me how to lap up cream is she?" he absently added, munching on a Twix he found wedged down the back of the sofa cushions.  
Robin was finding it slightly difficult to keep her cool - the letter was describing in quite specific detail how this weird woman would groom his entire body with her tongue, licking him clean in all directions; using her teeth to nibble out knots.....and although she wasn't quite on the same level at Cat Woman, she could definitely see the appeal of covering Strike's masculine body with her tongue - she hadn't dated in a while!  
"Erm.....she just want to lick you, basically.....all over, to clean you....and then, OH MY GOD!!!!! she wants, and I quote, to 'nibble her way along your mighty meat wand'!!!! Robin dropped the letter as though it had been dipped in pee and gave an exagerated shudder as Strike almost choked on his Twix.  
[Bet he does have quite a mighty meat wand thought Robin absently and chastised herself for thinking about him in that way....again!]  
"Obviously not a veggie then!" Cormoran sniggered, taking a deep breath and continuing with the letter he was wading through.  
"What you got there? Mad Dog Lady who wants you to fetch her a bone?" Robin trilled without completely thinking about how that sounded out loud.  
Strike ignored the comment with a good natured grin;  
"No, actually this one is about you," but he was grinning, meaning he evidently wasn't actually concerned that it contained anything dangerous.  
"Wow!!!! Have I got my own Cat Man?" Robin asked, doing a slightly sugar rush induced dance in her chair and clapping her hands excitedly like a seal.  
Cormoran started to read aloud from the letter:  
"..... I would lock that hairy brute inside his office then bend you over that wooden desk and thrust inside the soft, pink petals of your clunge......" he managed to get out before he started to regret reading it outloud. On the page it was plainly obscene and ridiculous; but when he heard it outloud, with Robin sat behind the very desk in question he realised he was starting to become aroused. He cleared his throat, "I assume I'm the hairy brute on this occasion," and he started to fold the letter.  
"What else is he going to do to me....I mean I assume it's a man....who knows?" Robin continued excitedly.  
"Nah, it's just more of the same really.....horny drivel," Cormoran responded then winced as she snatched the letter from his hand and read aloud,  
".....and when he's been forced to listen to our sweet, sweet love I'll let the beast out and he can take ove.........Oh!" Robin gulped and quickly scanned the lengthy description of how Cormoran would then continue.....but definitely not in the sweet, sweet love kind of sexual onslaught!  
Clearing her throat Robin adjusted her hair.  
"Better start a new file....what are we calling this one then?" Strike asked, trying to lighten the mood and break the tension surging around the small office space, "How about Desk Jockey?"  
Robin couldn't help but giggle.  
"God, I don't care what time it is, I need beer after that," Strike announced, standing up.  
"I think I need a shower," muttered Robin as she grabbed her coat.  
_____________________  
After a few pints at the Tottenham they parted company.  
Strike paused and unlocked the office, opened the drawer and removed one of the brown folders and took it upstairs, "Don't judge me Cat Woman....but my meat wand needs some attention!"  
________________________  
The following morning he made his way down to the office from his flat upstairs, Robin was already there and grovelling in the infamous drawer.  
"I've lost the folder," she stated.  
"Why do you need it?" he asked cursing the fact that he knew it's exact location, beside his bed upstairs, next to a wad of tissues.  
"It occurred to me...in amongst that filth....the bastard has obviously seen this office.....he knows the layout!!!" Robin stated open mouthed and wide eyed. "I want to re read it to check if there are any other clues - I mean I just kind of dismissed it yesterday....but shit......he's been here! So where the hell is the sodding thing?" she continued to rummage in the drawer.  
"Look, why don't you go and grab some coffees and I'll see if I can locate it," Strike virtually pushed her out of the door and waited until she'd descended the stairs before trailing upstairs to retrieve the letter, replace it in the folder and stash the whole thing.....but where? She'd checked the drawer already so that was no good - maybe on her desk - no; cos it was always clear of crap, unlike his own - it would be easy to hide it on there!  
"Why's she so fucking organised?" he mumbled. He glanced over at the sofa - that might work....and it probably would if she hadn't come trotting up the steps, catching him trying to stash it underneath it.  
She froze and gave him a slightly amused but 'school mistress' kind of look.  
"I can explain!" Cormoran started, sucking in his breath through his teeth.  
"Cormoran Blue Strike.....have you been perving over MY pervy letter?" she tried to retain her aura of chastisement.  
"In my defence I haven't got laid in a long while!" he looked sheepish....and sexy as hell thought Robin.  
She sniggered and passed his coffee over, withdrawing it at the last minute; "Was it at least worth it?" she asked, waggling the coffee cup just out of reach.  
"Maybe," he swallowed, unsure how much information to divulge; but her face was so mischievous he couldn't help himself, he flexed his right hand as he grabbed the coffee and sauntered towards his office before turning to her, "......yeah....it was sooooo worth it!"

Robin swiped the folder up and moved to return it to the drawer.......but she'd still better re read it......... to check for clues.......obviously!


End file.
